A week or so ago, Steven, Jeremy and myself were trading text messages as we tried to organize a trip to IMAX to see The Force Awakens. Things went off the rails a little and it descended into, what we now refer to as, Carry On Talk Star Wars. What follows is a transcript of some of the smutty puns we found inside seemingly innocent Star Wars quotes. If your easily offended, I'd suggest moving along...
It all started when one of us, and if you listen to the Talk Star Wars PodCast you'll know who, threw out this message, which isn't a direct Star Wars quote, but did lead to everything else:
That lead us to these.
It penetrates us!
I thought they smelt bad on the outside!
I've been waiting for this for a long time.
Yes I bet you have.
Han always shoots first.
Get behind me, get behind me!
Get in there! I don't care what you smell!
Put that thing away you're gonna get us all killed!
Sorry about the mess.
Size matters not.
I want you to take her, I mean it, take her.
You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought.
I'm getting a little loose!
That's two you owe me junior.
I never knew I had it in me.
She's fast enough for you old man.
How can they be jamming us if they don't know we're cumming?
Into the garbage chute fly boy!
It's a small thermal exhaust port, right below the main port.
Luke at that speed will you be able to pull out in time?
Pull out wedge!
Ejaculate? In our moment of triumph?
Cover me Porkins.
I'm sure Luke wasn't on that thing when it blew.
Take your weapon, stroke me down with it.
She made the Kessel Run in 12 parsecs.
That's what happens to podcasters on their days off I guess! Did we miss any smutty Star Wars quotes? Feel free to drop yours (oo eerrr) in the comments section below. Look out for Carry On Star Wars part 2, which is bound to happen someday...
Thank you for reading,